Note from Erin: I'm going back and posting from Dad's original emails, so you can catch up. The actual first date of this blog was in January 2015.
I discovered that some people who I thought were on the list were not, so some of you may be getting this for the first time I have written them about every two weeks, so if you want "back issues" let me know.
We have wonderful support from so many people. Joyce worries about me, so gets other people to help out as needed. Meals arrive every evening that we have chemo, usually brought the day before and then we heat it up. It is a fairly emotionally and physically tiring day, and so nice that we don't have to worry about what to fix. And most times we get 2 or 3 meals out of them.
So here is the latest update, started Friday and cleaned up a bit today.
05/09/2014 Update John
The Guy Version
I am starting this at Chemotherapy #6 today.
Joyce thought the last update was not very interesting. I will see if I can make it more so.
The 2nd PET scan is scheduled for this coming Wednesday (14th). We are hopeful that the scan will show considerable improvement from the one taken before chemo started. My oncologist was fairly positive that we would get good results based on the way the CEA count had dropped from 924 to 64.
The main issues since Chemo #5 have been:
More severe hand and foot disorder. Very painful especially as the chemo pump finishes up and then for the next 24-36 hours. During that time I could barely walk as the bottom of feet were painful, and hands were incredibly painful. I have been saying that the side effects were “annoying for the most part.” This last round went beyond annoying for a few days.
I developed a piece of the root of one of my molars projecting through the gum. I am not allowed to have dental procedures, but my dentist confirmed what it was. (chemo plays havoc with your mouth, and the gums shrink.) He said that there was nothing that could be done, but to be patient. The gum heals over it, and then the piece of tooth flakes off. The things you learn.
Chemo Farts. This I have refrained from talking about. But the flatulence you have when you have chemo is just one step down from the odor we had when a skunk sprayed our house. You tend to hurt the one you love with chemo farts. Joyce is glad the weather is nicer and I can go outside for a while!! (See I am trying to make this more interesting!!!)
Below I expand on some thoughts about how I have been approaching having been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.
Philosophy and Thoughts that Help
Having Cancer Isn't All That Much Different.
The Illusion Of Having Control Makes You Feel Better.
Why Me?
It Doesn't Look Like It Is Going To Be Today!
Lots Of People Have Crap.
You Feel Better Or Worse By Where You Look.
This is expanded in the Gal Version.
The Gal Version
Philosophy/ Thoughts that help
Having Cancer Isn't All That Much Different. Having cancer is amazingly similar to regular life. There are no guarantees, you really don't have as much control over your life as you think, and you don't know what exactly tomorrow will bring. But it is easier to ignore those facts if you don't have something life-threatening going on. Joyce calls it “Life Concentrated.”
The Illusion Of Having Control Makes You Feel Better. If you want to read an interesting book I finished recently, try
Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain by
David Eagleman. He is a neuroscientist that goes into great detail how little of our life we have control over as we learn more and more about brain functioning. But the brain give us the illusion that we are in control. Research has been pretty consistent on this issue. Depressed people are more grounded in reality. Optimists believe that they are in control and perceive life correctly, but they really screen out a great deal of reality.
Why Me? We had a good friend who developed terminal cancer. He was in his early 30's. He said, “Lots of people say 'Why me?' But why not me? Is it fair that other people have cancer, but I shouldn't. How fair is that!”
It Doesn't Look Like It Is Going To Be Today! I had a patient years ago who talked about how he worried endlessly about dying from his prostate cancer. He told me he finally began telling himself that “it doesn't look like it is going to happen today.” I have been teaching people for many years that if you focus on the “now” you don't have much anxiety.
Lots Of People Have Crap. If you look around you really discover that many, many people are dealing with difficult things in their life.
One of my favorite stories is about a woman from India who had one son, and he died. He was to be her security in old age. So she went to the local healer. The healer asked her to go around the village with a begging bowl, and collect a bean from each person whose life had not been touched by death. He promised her that her son would be brought to her alive when she came back with a full bowl. He promised that her son would be alive if she followed his advice. She started off with great enthusiasm and hopefulness, It was very late in the evening when she came back to the healer. He said asked to see her begging bowl. He showed her, and it was empty. But there was healing. She shared her story, and the other people shared their experiences with death. Her healing was different than she hoped for, but she gained a new perspective about her loss.
You Feel Better Or Worse By Where You Look. If one looks at everyone who has more or has it better or has more money or a better house, it is easy to feel a bit down. If you look at those who are less fortunate, who have less, who live in sub-standard housing, have low income or kids who hate them, it then changes. You feel pretty darn lucky. There are so many people who have it worse than I do, if I bother to look around.
Thanks for your many positive wishes and prayers and thoughts and support. It has been an interesting journey.
And as usual, feel free to share. Cancer used to be such a secret. (My aunt Ruby, in 1960, was not told she had cancer at the advice of her physician.!)
